A Love Letter to my Mother
My mother passed away over a year ago from Cancer. It was during Covid and I was here in Australia and she there in South Africa where I grew up.
Her battle in the last year was shitty, and it ended up with her stuck on her back unable to move whilst the cancer ravaged what was left of her body.
I have written a few pieces about this — how her battle affected me (I ended up on my back with a slipped disc) and then how I tried to process it after she passed the day after my 49th Birthday.
I’ve written the first chapter of her life from her view.
I’ve delved into and explored grief.
But if I’m honest with myself I’ve been stuck.
Stuck in a limbo between lifetimes lived in different countries.
Stuck in a limbo of admiration and anger for my Mum.
Just stuck!
Until today when Rebecca Jay shared her truth in her Love letter to her mother. https://medium.com/modern-women/a-love-letter-to-my-mom-and-an-apology-f4a11805729f
Rebecca spoke of letting go of the blame towards her mother and the choices her mother had made.
It made me cry.
Almost instantly.
It was her truth, and I think in a way, now mine.
And so I am here about to write my own love letter to my mother.
Mum.
You fought so hard to have me.
I am your Mick — not the Michael I was named.
I am because of you — but also because of me.
Let’s not carry the burden of
the missed
the missteps
the mistakes
Let’s rather revel in the warmth of
Bob Seger, Van Morrison and Tom Waits.
Let’s chink our glasses of not-so-great whiskey
And toast each other now.
I miss you.
And I have missed you over the 2o years away from home.
You drove my sister mad at times back in SA
But you forged new magic with her in these times.
I haven’t had this adult overlap
The chance to sit with you over dinner
and re-chink our glasses
and listen to music
across the table with our
grey hair and wrinkled skin,
and smelly teenagers interrupting us both.
But I understand now that our time together was enough.
Enough for me to say that I’m sorry
for the blame, and anger at myself and you, and all the stuff of life that often got in the way.
And for me to say thank you
For who you were, and what that has made me.
A warm, loving and caring human being.
Who will open his home to others.
Who will make leftovers go a long way.
Who will be generous with my time and whiskey too.
May this love letter reach you with love.
May you read it and smile.
May I dream of you tonight
where we can embrace
in the love of each other.
Thank you again Rebecca Jay for your gift.
